the ask principle


This is my journey on the value of asking questions, being inquisitive, asking why not?, seeking explanations and asking for favors. I have always said one of the ways a MINDSET is developed is through the statements spoken to us by others.  These can go straight into our inner being when spoken and create impact, becoming a truth by which we live or define ourselves. For me one such statement was spoken by my Manager in my first job in the UK as an Auditor. He watched me struggle for days on a task and tiptoe round him refusing to ask him for permission to proceed with an action to address my dilemma. One day, I summoned courage and went up to him, but I wasn’t direct. He looked at me intently and said, “Patience, Don’t ask don’t get, ask and you may get”.  As soon as he said it, eureka! a light bulb went off in my head.

I had created a mindset of “don’t ask, people will always say No”.  My fear of hearing No! meant I never asked for help, favors and “why not?”.  As a result, I created scarcity and limitations in my life.  His statement suddenly gave me a new mindset by which to replace this limiting mindset.

I started from then on to ask why not questions, what if questions are to courageously challenge things I instinctively felt were not right. I would even ask for favors where none was offered. I figured, the worse they would say is No! This was a major mindset shift and fear barrier breaking stuff. This attitude has paid further dividends as I have lived it out with my family encouraging or nagging (if I am honest) my husband to take on-board the “ASK PRINCIPLE”.

My husband never feels comfortable asking.  It is also a known fact that men generally hate asking for things like directions, my husband is no different.  Recently however, we went away on holiday and he was charged £35 for premium WIFI when booking.  My son went in for a top up when we got onsite and was told the service cost £20. He told his dad. Initially my husband said, “oh well tough, there must be a reasonable explanation”. But he suddenly had a change of mind. He went into their office asked why he was charged an extra £15 for the same service. They were perplexed, conceded it was an error. They not only refunded my son his money they extended the service to extra devices for free.  My husband came out with a sheepish grin, I heard him say to my kids. “Do you know who taught me to ask why not or why?, it’s your mum. Your mum always says “Don’t ask, don’t get, ask and you may get.  He then said “you have more to gain than lose”.  It worked and I am chuffed. I felt 10 feet tall and I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

It didn’t end there. Two days later we were returning from dinner back to the holiday resort and my husband announced, “I will park the car in the car park and you guys better be up early as we will be leaving tomorrow and need to pick up the car”.  My daughter then said, “dad! just ask them if you can keep the car in front of our lodge for this one night to make life easier”. My husband protested but asked at the barriers and they proceeded to issue him with an access Pass so he could drive through to our lodge.

What can I tell you, my family is getting converted on the “ASK” principle.  For my Kids, I believe this is a valuable lesson to learn early and take out into the world to face life’s challenges. Here is the deal:

  • You don’t know what you don’t know until you ask;
  • When you don’t feel you have been treated justly, ask why, you may be surprised to find that people assume you are ok with how you have been treated or it was an error;
  • When in doubt asking helps you clarify
  • When you desire something that looks big or impossible, try asking, the worse you will get is a No! At least that will clarify your chase or through the explanation provided for saying No! you will know what to do to obtain your Yes later.

As the good book says Hereto have you received nothing because you fail to ask, but hence forth ask that you might receive, seek that you might find, knock that the door might be open to you. For everyone who asks receives (eventually), ……. Matthew 7:7.

For my part, I no longer fear No!  I am motivated to seek solutions and prove people wrong when they say No!  Plus I tell myself I only need one Yes! and that yes is out there, i may have only just asked the wrong person this time. In the journey of life, you get curve balls thrown at you which challenge your value and beliefs and cause you to re-examine them. So here is one of my story a big “ASK” I did recently that didn’t turn out great.


I asked God to bring a loved one back from a Coma.  I asked constantly and fervently but in the end, I got a No!  He didn’t make it and  I was crushed, discouraged and almost enveloped by hopelessness, I was tempted to stop “Asking. But I resolved to go back to the principle “Don’t ask don’t get, ask and you may get”.  and to embrace hope that there are Yes’s! for me in the future for many things, although there will also be many Nos!  guaranteed!  The painful truth is, in an imperfect world there will be more of the latter than the former but this is my prayer, that there will be more Yes’s! that count for something significant than there will be No’s!

This is the hope that keeps me Asking and/or questioning.

The biggest shift in my journey is the boldness to seek out answers and ASK, no matter who it is or whether I may look stupid, I no longer fear No!, instead I am motivated to seek solutions and prove people wrong when they say No!.  Furthermore, I tell myself in most instances I only need one “Yes” that counts and that “Yes” is out there.   I may have only just asked the wrong person this time or asked at the wrong time.  This is my abundance mindset coming to play, I will discuss my journey on this in a future blog.

In the meantime, Happy Asking. 😉 

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