Happiness versus Stability – What would you choose?

 

Happiness, the world needs some formula for brewing it. I think McDonald  has had an attempt at spreading some happiness through its happy meal, but, happy meal was rarely happy for me, as a parent and the happiness generated didn’t last for my son’s lifetime either . When he was a toddler,  my son after  emotionally manipulating  me to buy a happy meal so he can get the toy, gained short lived happiness, as McDonald’s would release new toys the next week to keep manufacturing happiness. But what about adults?  Many adverts for  fast cars, wine, beer, luxury holidays, big mansions etc, are all attempting to peddle happiness, but, no sooner have you achieved something that you think will bring you happiness, then you are chasing the next thing, because the feeling of euphoria is short-lived, the Jones’  next door or at work, or church, have bought something better or a new model that is now all ‘singing and dancing’ has been released.

As I pondered on this a couple of weeks ago, I went out for a meal and natter with  five of my friends.  I then decided that we needed to have a wisdom sharing moment, so I posed the question, happiness or stability, what would you  choose?  Of course, they all said hands down, without a doubt they would all choose happiness.  However, I had pondered for weeks, reflected on my life, and the awareness and growth I have experienced over the years, my answer was, ” I will choose stability”.  Well as you can imagine they were all perplexed, so I proceeded to explain my reasons and insight. I shall do the same now by first exploring:

What is Happiness?

The Webster English Dictionary defines happiness as- An agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or state of being which is attended with enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness.

In my  childhood to 40’s, I experienced extreme and erratic mood swings, which I now know may be referenced as bipolar or main depression.  When I was in control of life which is generally not as often as I would like, I would be ecstatic.  But introduce other people or situations I couldn’t fully control, and I will lose it, become anxious and refuse to face the reality that being moody, would not prevent things from happening.  Just by knowing that I couldn’t guarantee an outcome, would send me on a downward spiral for days.  Of course, as the years went by, social media became a thing and made things even worst, people out there are happy, go lucky and living life to the full, why couldn’t I have all the things and opportunities they have, so I can  be happy too?  But, truth is, the same social media began to reveal that there were people out there just like me seeking to get out of this prison of yo-yo happiness.

The answer wasn’t in things, in circumstances, in feelings so where did it lay?  In the midst of my desperation, I asked myself it may be that it is not possible to be happy all the time, but it is possible to have a stable state of being, where by, whether I have the sensational feeling of euphoric joy or have to mourn a loss or endure a heartbreak, my world can still be ok, it can still come back to a place of balance.  It  dawned on me, that I sought control not of my circumstances or people but of myself and my response to them.  With this awareness, I sought to redefine happiness, with stability being the core of that definition.

What is Stability? 

The Webster English Dictionary defines stability  as –  The quality, state, or degree of being stable such as:

  • The strength to stand or endure firmness
  • The property of a body that causes it when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion to develop forces or moments that restore the original condition
  • Resistance to chemical change or to physical disintegration.

Here it is, when you compare happiness and stability, you find what I sought, some element of control of my life and my response to uncontrollable external forces.

It is worth mentioning that, I also found some revelations  from the holy book, the bible,  which when you look at the definition of happiness, it is closer to the definition of stability in that it states that “happiness is a fruit of the spirit”.  A fruit is something you produce from the inside out, not from the outside in.  A tree produces that which is at the core of its nature, therefore if the core of your nature is stable and strong, you will generate fruits of happiness.

Having said all of this, it is my opinion, and each person around the table on the night  had to ponder more deeply and look at their life choices to answer the question, Happiness or Stability, which would you choose.

I will like to empower you the reader with some insights and tools , so you too can ponder and make your own journey.  So here they are:

Insights and Tools for Manufacturing Happiness: 

  1.  Happiness is a choice, regardless of  circumstance you can exercise the power of  choice to see things in a different way, to express gratitude for who, where, what you are today.
  2. Empower yourself to happiness by defining what happiness means or would look like, if you are unable to define it, explore it over time with questions like:
    • What activities  inspire me or bring me joy?
    • Who defines me and my self-worth
    • Who in my life makes me feel good about myself?
    • Where is my happy place that I go to when I need to decompress?
    • What memories can I reminisce about that will bring me back to a place of clam and stability?
    • How do I fortify myself to live a fulfilled and happy life?
  3. Using emotional Intelligence, also known as EQ, is one way of managing our emotional state. EQ is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.  There are 5 elements to EQ this is are:
    • Self-awareness
    • Self-regulation
    • Social skill
    • Empathy
    • Motivation
  4. Happiness is temporary and circumstantial, but by working towards stability, you manufacture your own happiness.
  5. Building your dream and chasing purpose creates inner worth. The knowledge that you are giving it all your very best, creates contentment which creates stability.
  6. Inner peace  and enlightenment, comes from understanding our perceptions of the world and an awareness of who we are and limitations we need to accept. The current practice of mindfulness, which is all the rave at the moment, is a useful way of maintaining awareness.
  7. Love of self and from others creates stability. Don’t buy the fallacy that we have to be self-sufficient and not need others.   True success cannot be achieved alone, consequently our relationships give our lives meaning, having stable relationships lead to happiness.
  8. Accepting managed imbalance as a happy medium between imbalance and full balance, by this I mean, an awareness that in certain stages of life something has to give so that another thing can grow and develop. Seasons change and are temporal, no need to create permanent states from unpalatable and unhappy  circumstances.
  9. Anchoring on something meaningful beyond ourselves  to give our life meaning and purpose, by this I mean, if you are a spiritual  person you will understand that faith and hope in a higher power and being, bring about acceptance, stability, a sense of inner peace and happiness.
  10. Prevent Bitterness from taking root in your soul,  by practicing ‘forgive and forget’, then you can build a stable mind, spirit, soul and body.

The list could go on, but I think, you get the picture and have enough food for thought.

I leave you with this quote by Steve Maraboli: ” Happiness is found in the simplest things of things. Happiness is found in gratitude, in a kept promise, in a good conversation, in love, in friendship, in achieved goals, in fond memories, in the simple magnificence of life”

 

How To Solve The Biggest Problem With Work

Work is an essential part of human existence, therefore unavoidable.  As Maya Angelou put it “nothing works until you do”.  However, most people spend the weekend with an impending sense of dread for the arrival of Monday morning, the week is a drag as they wait for the weekend to arrive, they day dream of retirement or an alternate universe where you have all you need for life and don’t have to work a day for it.

What makes some people truly love their jobs?  And by “love” I don’t mean that they never have a day when they’d rather be doing anything but their job, but rather that they experience a consistent contentment with what they do.

To answer these questions, we need to explore the purpose of work, common attitudes towards work and why you should embrace the right mindset when it comes to work.

The Purpose of Work

Meaning – “The purpose of work is to give life purpose”.  Without work, life will have no meaning. You find this especially true where people have a lot of money or live on money provided by others and have no need to exert themselves to earn it. These people go through a state of depression and lack a sense of purpose.

Contribution – We are all meant to contribute to the circle of life by giving into it and taking from it, like the Lion King song states. Work is the means by which this contribution is made. Being just a taker leads to a lack of fulfilment.

Dream – Work allows you to chase a dream and bring it to reality.  No-one can bring your dream to life if you don’t chase it, to chase it is to work for it.  You can have all the talent in the world but without hard-work, you cannot become the best in the world.

Self-Actualisation – In Maslow Hierarchy of Need Model at the top level is the need for self-actualisation. This need is only fulfilled through the achievement of full potential by creative activities, in other words to achieve fulfilment is to carry out creative work.

Rest – A final argument for work can be made in the sense of the Christian story of creation. The all-powerful God chose to work 6 days  to express his creativity, only then did he rest on the 7th day.  This story illustrates that true rest is preceded by real work.

Common Attitudes Towards Work

  • People use the slang word ‘hustle’ to describe hard work – this can sometimes, have a negative connotation indicating lots and lots of aimless and mainly frustrating activities to get rich, which some feel most often is a futile pursuit
  • Why work when I am so talented?
  • People just get lucky not everyone has to work hard
  • There isn’t enough to go round anyway, therefore no matter how hard I work, I cannot be rich.

The Right Work Mindset

“It is said, that if you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life”.  For work to achieve its true purpose you need to find what is fulfilling and what adds value, to you and others.

Though many people just fall into a career path and a vocation or business with which they can survive, pay bills, taxes and save (where feasible), at some point it is important to pause and ask the question, to what end is this work leading me? The investment in answering this question will provide insight on what manner of work will bring fulfilment.  Why don’t most people do this? It is because they believe they don’t have the luxury to choose.  They go for what they can get. It takes courage to chase your heart’s true desires.

There is a difference between the need to work versus the desire to work. Wealthy people have no need to work but take work to the next level, using their gift, talents and wealth to make further impact, instigate and facilitate change, leave a legacy e.g. Bill Gates, who is now focused on changing the world through his foundation.  More so, those that continue in the field where they made their wealth enjoy the thrill of continued creativity through their work.

High achieving athletes and entrepreneurs get addicted to the thrill of accomplishments and believe that human potential is limitless, they continue to push the boundaries and explore what is achievable e.g. Roger Federer still trains for excellence even though his achieved all his goals.

Anyone can start with work that is essential as a means to an end i.e. gaining resources for creating a life they desire rather than as an end in itself.   Then, this type of work can be seen as the key to creating a more fulfilling venture and endeavour.

Work-Life Balance

Work life Balance, also needs to be considered, and differs depending on what you are up to.  If you are an employee, you have less control over your time than when you are an entrepreneur or own your own business.

Life as an entrepreneur is busy, varied and rewarding, but it will only stand the test of time if you master the sweet, fine balance between professional and personal life. If you’re running your own company, it usually means that you are passionate about that industry; and with passion comes dedication, and dedication means long hours, particularly in the early days.  You may not have the traditional 9 to 5 job, but do allow yourself to step away because, ultimately, you will only succeed if you have an open-minded, well-rounded lifestyle, enriched with the things you love.  An entrepreneur that does not manage his or her life to gain balance, runs the risk of falling out of love with their dream, due to burn out.

So what about me, what’s my personal take on work? I have to say, I feel blessed to be able to work, I will be miserable if I am just lounging around.  As someone who has walked the path to becoming a Transformational Coach, my mindset about work has truly empowered me to devise a life plan and execute it, such that I am able to build the dream life I desire. I enjoy work and an adventurous life, in balanced measures.  Work facilitates my dream life, therefore is worth it.

 

In essence, work is never going away.  Like my mentor Paul Martinelli says, “no work, no honey”, (perhaps where the term “busy- bee” was coined). He also says, “no work, no money”.   So, we can’t see work as a problem, but as a solution and enabler. Work may be exertion, but the outcome can be rewarding and life changing, only if you have the right mindset, and a plan of action to deliver specific outcomes for your life from it.

Whatever you decide to do with your life, make sure it’s worthwhile.

Patience Ogunbona

Certified Transformational Coach,  Speaker and Trainer

To discuss, your current situation and design the life that feels worthwhile, enriched and fulfilling follow this link to book a

20 free discovery session – www.aspiretransforminspire.co.uk/services/appointment-bookings 

Discover how I can help you break free from limitations to achieve peak performance and success.

 

 

Leadership Game Tickets

How would you like to test your Personal and Organisational Leaderships skills and knowledge against world renowned core leadership principles?

If you love going down to the pub for game night or having a good laugh on a night out with your girlfriends.  Then this game is for you.    Come along and have the Leadership game experience.  It is a fun engaging game, that:

  • Helps you raise your leadership awareness,
  • Builds teams,
  • Has discussion cards that trigger debate and communication,
  • Challenges you to be a better leader.
  • Game players reward each other with gold stars

Come have a fun night and celebrate International Women’s Day (IWD) with us

Please note: Please print and show ticket on the day.  Bring along snacks to share with others.

Leadership game ticket5.00 GBP
Your eTicket will be emailed after payment to your PayPal email address.

 

 

How to Keep it R.E.A.L in 2018

How are you Keeping it R.E.A.L in 2018?

If you are like me, every year begins with goals and finding a key word that can be used as a trigger word or catalyst to remind you of what you want to achieve that year.   For me the words come to me as I look back at my journey to that point in time. 

This year 2018, what came to me was not a word, but a phrase – KEEP-IT-R.E.A.L.  I feel like not only is it a trigger, but actually a metaphor for me to not actually just focus on where I am, but to keep chasing my dreams to where I want to be.

R.E.A.L STANDS FOR:

R – REFLECTION AND REALITY

One of the most effective habits and practices to adopt in 2018 is the art of reflecting back on your activities, experience and challenges.   No better time than the start of the year.  It is pointless setting goals without taking a closer look at where you have been and giving some thought to where you want to go. In the middle of this is reality, it is very important to be  sure of what your current situation is.  

To help with effective reflection you need to ask yourself three key questions, write it as well as the answers down.  These questions are: 

1. What one thing can I celebrate about last year?

2. What is the biggest lesson I learnt from last year?

3. What’s the biggest thing I want to accomplish this year?

E – Evaluation

Questions and answers will not change our circumstances if we do not evaluate them.  Through evaluation we can further insights to our behaviours and the things that have shaped our current reality and outcomes.  Take for example, my health and wellbeing strategy this year is to look at all the things I have learnt from last year and to either reinforce or discontinue action.. Consequently I am using my answers to my reflection questions to focus on delivering my well being goals 

A – Acquire/Attitude

Most of what is achieved in life is based on the knowledge and skill we choose to acquire and the attitude we adopt in the process.   If the knowledge and skill you choose to acquire is based on the results  of reflection and evaluation there is a better chance of achieving what you need in life, because your efforts are streamlined.  It is also essential to acquire knowledge on the right attitude for success.  It’s our thoughts, not our circumstances, that determine our happiness. For example I run Lunch and Learns on developing a Growth Mindset, this helps employees in organisations to have an insight on the attitude required for peak performance.

L- Leverage

One definition says Leverage is the use of something to maximum advantage or to maximise advantage. Think about leverage, like “a bird in hand that is worth two in the bush”, what do you know and have right now that you could use to build momentum towards your DREAM.

Keeping it real is about  strategising, make your life your project and create a blueprint for self actualisation and fulfilment.

I will love to hear your view, what’s your phrase for 2018?  

If you would love to have a 15-20 minute free consultation to see how my coaching can propel you forward to achieve your dreams, then get in touch contact@aspiretransforminspire.co.uk

To Your Success and Significance 

Patience Ogunbona x

the ask principle

The “Ask” PRINCIPLE

This is my journey on the value of asking questions, being inquisitive, asking why not?, seeking explanations and asking for favors. I have always said one of the ways a MINDSET is developed is through the statements spoken to us by others.  These can go straight into our inner being when spoken and create impact, becoming a truth by which we live or define ourselves. For me one such statement was spoken by my Manager in my first job in the UK as an Auditor. He watched me struggle for days on a task and tiptoe round him refusing to ask him for permission to proceed with an action to address my dilemma. One day, I summoned courage and went up to him, but I wasn’t direct. He looked at me intently and said, “Patience, Don’t ask don’t get, ask and you may get”.  As soon as he said it, eureka! a light bulb went off in my head.

I had created a mindset of “don’t ask, people will always say No”.  My fear of hearing No! meant I never asked for help, favors and “why not?”.  As a result, I created scarcity and limitations in my life.  His statement suddenly gave me a new mindset by which to replace this limiting mindset.

I started from then on to ask why not questions, what if questions are to courageously challenge things I instinctively felt were not right. I would even ask for favors where none was offered. I figured, the worse they would say is No! This was a major mindset shift and fear barrier breaking stuff. This attitude has paid further dividends as I have lived it out with my family encouraging or nagging (if I am honest) my husband to take on-board the “ASK PRINCIPLE”.

My husband never feels comfortable asking.  It is also a known fact that men generally hate asking for things like directions, my husband is no different.  Recently however, we went away on holiday and he was charged £35 for premium WIFI when booking.  My son went in for a top up when we got onsite and was told the service cost £20. He told his dad. Initially my husband said, “oh well tough, there must be a reasonable explanation”. But he suddenly had a change of mind. He went into their office asked why he was charged an extra £15 for the same service. They were perplexed, conceded it was an error. They not only refunded my son his money they extended the service to extra devices for free.  My husband came out with a sheepish grin, I heard him say to my kids. “Do you know who taught me to ask why not or why?, it’s your mum. Your mum always says “Don’t ask, don’t get, ask and you may get.  He then said “you have more to gain than lose”.  It worked and I am chuffed. I felt 10 feet tall and I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

It didn’t end there. Two days later we were returning from dinner back to the holiday resort and my husband announced, “I will park the car in the car park and you guys better be up early as we will be leaving tomorrow and need to pick up the car”.  My daughter then said, “dad! just ask them if you can keep the car in front of our lodge for this one night to make life easier”. My husband protested but asked at the barriers and they proceeded to issue him with an access Pass so he could drive through to our lodge.

What can I tell you, my family is getting converted on the “ASK” principle.  For my Kids, I believe this is a valuable lesson to learn early and take out into the world to face life’s challenges. Here is the deal:

  • You don’t know what you don’t know until you ask;
  • When you don’t feel you have been treated justly, ask why, you may be surprised to find that people assume you are ok with how you have been treated or it was an error;
  • When in doubt asking helps you clarify
  • When you desire something that looks big or impossible, try asking, the worse you will get is a No! At least that will clarify your chase or through the explanation provided for saying No! you will know what to do to obtain your Yes later.

As the good book says Hereto have you received nothing because you fail to ask, but hence forth ask that you might receive, seek that you might find, knock that the door might be open to you. For everyone who asks receives (eventually), ……. Matthew 7:7.

For my part, I no longer fear No!  I am motivated to seek solutions and prove people wrong when they say No!  Plus I tell myself I only need one Yes! and that yes is out there, i may have only just asked the wrong person this time. In the journey of life, you get curve balls thrown at you which challenge your value and beliefs and cause you to re-examine them. So here is one of my story a big “ASK” I did recently that didn’t turn out great.

 

I asked God to bring a loved one back from a Coma.  I asked constantly and fervently but in the end, I got a No!  He didn’t make it and  I was crushed, discouraged and almost enveloped by hopelessness, I was tempted to stop “Asking. But I resolved to go back to the principle “Don’t ask don’t get, ask and you may get”.  and to embrace hope that there are Yes’s! for me in the future for many things, although there will also be many Nos!  guaranteed!  The painful truth is, in an imperfect world there will be more of the latter than the former but this is my prayer, that there will be more Yes’s! that count for something significant than there will be No’s!

This is the hope that keeps me Asking and/or questioning.

The biggest shift in my journey is the boldness to seek out answers and ASK, no matter who it is or whether I may look stupid, I no longer fear No!, instead I am motivated to seek solutions and prove people wrong when they say No!.  Furthermore, I tell myself in most instances I only need one “Yes” that counts and that “Yes” is out there.   I may have only just asked the wrong person this time or asked at the wrong time.  This is my abundance mindset coming to play, I will discuss my journey on this in a future blog.

In the meantime, Happy Asking. 😉 

i let my goals slip

I Let my Goals slip

Yes, sometimes I let my goals slip.  What?! Did you say that out loud? but you are a Coach!! how could you?  I hear you say.  My first sarcastic answer will be, because I am human. On a more serious note, I will say because I needed to.

When setting goals, there will be overarching goals as well as interdependent goals.  For example, if wanting to become a millionaire by 30 is your overarching goal, an interdependent goal might be, I want to stay alive and healthy to enjoy the millions.  You must be able to recognize these types of inter dependencies, so that at any point, where an intervention is necessary, you can increase or decrease effort and momentum accordingly.

Why is this important, because, a key interdependent goal can sabotage an overarching goal and subsequently lead to lack of achievement and fulfillment.

So, my main goal is to retire very soon, I won’t tell you when, not trying to avoid following the SMART goal setting process, but a lady does not tell her age.  My interdependent goal is to stay alive, healthy, young looking, energetic from now and until that date and beyond.

When the overarching goal creates stress, I need to recognize the sabotaging effect it could have on my health and deal with it first, or press the pause button and de-stress. By taking care of foundations and first things first, I am able to gain energy to keep or increase pace on the overarching goal.

You could also have competing goals.  Say you are someone who wants peak performance in more than one area of your life, then you could experience conflict.

I have always wanted to be the best mum I can be, at the same time pursuing my passion as a Coach was non-negotiable.  This meant being pulled in different directions.  This resulted in imbalance.

I had to find a way to ring-fence and allot time to do both.  I would take weekends off to go out and live out life with family.  The whole summer I took the kids round to friends each weekend and we got reacquainted with some neglected relationships.  Then came the end of Summer, kids are back in school and I went back to my intensity of pursuit.  Whatever I do, I do it passionately.  I had to make a conscious sacrifice of one for the other.  Allowing balance to exist in one area so as to stabilize it first, while the other operated at a less than satisfactory level for a short time was my way of resolving my life conflict.

Balance will not always be straight forward and easy to achieve, the key is to do your best and give your best at each opportunity and make a conscious effort not to dwell on things outside of your control.

This is not to say avoid all stress, as you well know, no reward without risk, but risk has to be calculated, monitored and mitigated.  It is also not to say make an excuse for procrastination by claiming to focus on the important inter dependencies, “you snooze you loose”.

From the onset of goal setting, identify and devise systems that you can put in place as mitigation, e.g. attend your annual health checks, do your exercise, eat healthy, arrange non-negotiable planned chill-out time.  These systems when set-up properly, serve as safe guards against inertia but also sabotage.  I must admit, I haven’t always done this correctly, but through increased awareness, I am retracing and establishing my systems, one intentional step at a time.

So, the next time you feel that things are getting a bit much, take time to reflect, press pause and take a chill pill. Smell the proverbial roses and live a little.

The tomorrow for which you set goals, is not promised, all you have is today.  So, make it count.

 

success ladder

Success Ladder

Climbing a success ladder is akin to climbing a normal ladder. When you hear the phrase “Steps to success”. This also equates to how you climb normal steps. It’s a similar thought process that gets you to the top.

Lets explore this.

When you are at the bottom of any stairs or ladder and want to begin climbing, the first thing you do instinctively is to pause,  size up the journey by looking up and down the flights of steps. Decide whether to climb or not. Then tentatively put your foot on the first step. Propel yourself forward, and land your second foot on the next step. Then keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If you its a little child, you land both feet on the same step first and carry on the pattern upwards.

Depending on the height of the stairs or ladder,your agility and the strength of your leg muscles, at some point you may stop, pause, take a deep breath, look up the rest of the flight of stairs, consider whether you have strength to keep going, worry why you didn’t take or consider the lift and regret that others may have taken the lift or refused to try the steps but there you are like a fool climbing.

You contemplate packing it in, counting your losses and going back down, after all that should be easier. Technically you can’t know what is easier whether to continue climbing up, or stop and go down. You have never done this before. It’s now crunch time. Decisions need to be made.

Say you decide to keep going to see if you have the strength,  putting one foot after the other,  knowing what you know from climbing to this point can be used to accelerate your steps, get there quicker, overcome the fear then rest. Or you could carry on at a steady pace keep motivating yourself and get there slowly and not too exhausted. Aside from these there is the option to quit, turn back, be rescued or get to finish the acsent.

To help you decide, it is key to remember the following:

1. To start and continue the climb takes courage
2. Physical and mental exertion is required so don’t neglect your health
3. Momentum will get you to the top. Seek personal development or coaching and mentoring to keep going
4. Projection to the top of the ladder should be done at the start and reviewed continually.  This is through planning and strategising
5. Define before the climb what success means to you, so you recognise being on track and don’t get distracted or swept into another’s journey.
6. Seek out people to climb with so the journey is not only shared but won’t be lonely at the top
7. If you every get heavy on the ascent through acquisition, shed the load through giving back or paying forward i.e mentoring , giving to support others.
8. Don’t neglect sustaining relationships and nurture them as you climb.  At the top you will have them to throw a celebratory party.

I suggest to keep climbing. Don’t give up. We are the artichtect of our destiny.  We are either building a life we want or settling for a life of circumstance without choices.

Do these  eight things steadily and your climb will be purposeful and fulfilling.

Happy Climbing x

Patience Ogunbona

Aspire-Transform-Inspire

Time Management – A Must Have Life Skill

Time Management – A Must Have Life Skill

Time Management is an overarching skill not limited to tasks and projects but to the whole of life. Why is time management so important? It is because it is the most expensive commodity on earth aside air. For most things in life you can get standard, medium and premium.  But the only price for time is PREMIUM.

Time is at a premium. It is always utilised at the highest cost. Most importantly you can’t buy it.  Therefore, we must always redeem it, efficiently utilise it and invest it towards future realisation of our dreams.

Why is time so expensive? It is because it is borrowed. You have heard the term “borrowed time”, mostly used for the terminally ill, but in reality, we are all living on “borrowed time”.  We are never and can never be in control of it. But haven borrowed it, we can invest it for interest and use it wisely and purposefully.

Investing your time today in what matters means you can receive or recoup benefits in future.  This means you can use your future time efficiently and even take out some of it to just be in the moments you have earned from utilising it effectively up-front.

To effectively utilise time requires PLANNING.  However, most people plan for things that don’t matter or which carry no PASSION or PURPOSE within it for them. This is wasted time. To utilise time to its best, we must use it for pursuit of PURPOSE. This is what yields interests in life.

The first step towards effective utilisation of time is the discovery of passion and purpose. But most of us run around first, then burnout or get dissatisfied with life, before we wake up to the reality of wasted time.

In project management, you devise a project plan with an end date and map out timelines which include milestones. Your life should be your PROJECT.  You have an end date but this is unknown to you. But you can still plan your life timelines and put in milestone dates. Then you begin each day to invest towards those milestones.

So say you haven’t done any of the above, you let time slip by with no drive to achieve purpose or pursue passion.  All hope is not lost, you even now must courageously device your life plan and begin your life project management cycle with shorter timescales and well thought out milestones. You leverage the knowledge and experiences gained from the wasted time to now make the most of future time you have left.

So time is borrowed and you are not in control. This can mean hopelessness for some, which leads to “action paralysis” i.e., they give up and say “what’s the point I am past it now”.  However, it is never too late to try to be what you would have been. Mindset and attitude is key.  Having a positive life outlook and hope, means you can find enthusiasm to start developing your life plan.

Gain time management insight, knowledge and skills today. The first place to start is through introspection, ask yourself what fuels my PASSION? What is my PURPOSE?

Remember each day is pregnant with possibilities for truly living and a sure death,  by 12pm each day you experience the death of a day and the dawning of a new one.    When people die, we say “time is up”, the truth is, time is always up every day and little by little it depletes until it’s all gone.

Build into each day the most efficient use that creates, happiness, achieves purpose, generates love and meaning, this is the key to a fulfilled life of #Success2Significance and legacy.

Key thing is if you leave a Legacy, time may be up for your physical body but will never be up for the essence of you as it will carry on through your legacy.

Keep managing time wisely.

Written by Patience Ogunbona.

Eat in or Takeaway The Integrity question

Eat In Or Takeaway The Integrity Question

As a city worker, I like the city buzz and variety available, however for London this comes at a price. There are very few communal spaces you can go to relax at lunchtime, this means going into a restaurant or cafe’. To avoid odd stares or confrontation from the servers and sales reps, when  you go in, you have to buy food. Then comes the test of integrity.

You get to the counter to pay and the server at the other side barks out “eat in or take away”. Suddenly I feel my stomach churn and for a split second I take time to deliberate and negotiate with my conscience . Because you see, when you “takeaway” you pay the display price, but when you “eat in” a nice wack of sales tax is added, which gives u that ouch!! feeling.  Hence the crisis of conscience.

To my shame I have failed the test more times than I am comfortable.  Yes!! I have lied in the past and said “take away” and then went and sat down in the restaurant or cafe to eat., while glancing and hoping no server plucks upcourage to approach and challenge me. The effect, an hour of lunch unease for max of £0.80p.

More recently I have realised that this implies that £0.80p is the price it takes to buy my integrity. This also links to a poverty mentality that will keep me at a low level of wealth. When I reasoned it this way the loss of my integrity for £0.80p and a nasty uncomfortable feeling and voice in my head reminding me of my indiscretions was
both cheap and the loss great.

I am glad to report I no longer succumb. How did I achieve this, by shouting out instructions to my inner voice, rather than negotiating.

So when I hear eat in or take away, rather than listen to the inner voice going , this is a rip off, u are a fool to pay over the display price, you have never being challenged, you will get away with it, etc. I bark out instructions of my own to myself,  “you are paying the price, end of story”. Then I say “eat in please !!!!!”.  Why please? Because I know I can’t stand the pain of the loss and cost of my integrity so please save me from mediocre thinking and help elevate me to higher levels of integrity, the true mark of effective self leadership.

Have a great honest day.

Yours in Pursuit of Significance

need versus want

NEED VERSUS WANT

Recently I woke up to the reality that I had hit a wall in my fitness goals. I wasn’t moving forward. After a year of fully committing to fitness goals which saw me run three 10k races, achieve below 30mins for 5k, consistently eat healthy, learn to make healthy meals and lose weight. Here I was after bouts of ill health, injuries, lots of weight gain and very little excercise, feeling desperate and discouraged.  I knew I had to do something and make some changes. Each  time I woke up Monday morning determined but by Friday, the will was gone. The spirit seemed willing but the flesh just grew weaker. It doesn’t help when you see others seemly staying committed, with relative ease.
But last week I had a Eureka moment. “Just because I Need to do something doesn’t mean I have to do it.  I have to Want to do it to get it done”. Not only that, I realised I have to change the inner voice in my head from “you need to……, to you want to ………” I also realised that having a need does not necessarily motivate or drive passion in me. But taking control and saying to myself “you want to”, also being firm on myself and saying “you have to do it now, you might as well start and get on with on with it”, is key.  Self talk (inner voice) is powerful, we do it all the time.  It is what shapes our actions,  it determines our motives, you can talk yourself into doing anything you want to do or talk yourself out of doing something you should do.I also realise that for each stage you get to in life, to move forward or continue on the path you have carved, you have to keep revisiting your strategy.  What worked for you six months ago may become redundant because your circumstances may have changed, I think this is part of growth. But, most of us try to use the same process, same strategy to deal with a new phase in life. It’s a little like excercise. Once it becomes effective by building the muscle you need, to keep the muscle or challenge it to develop further, you may need to change and mix up the type of exercise.In short, wanting to is more empowering than needing to.

There are those facing a variety of challenging issues, desperate people, who know they need to make changes, but to pay the price they have to want to change their lives. People tell them, they tell themselves, “I need to ….., but I think the action, take control word is “I want to”

So, the next time you and I catch ourselves saying I need to, lets quickly say, I want to. I am one week into this  self talk, so far it has got, me reading, swimming, running and choosing to eat less at a Buffett. Let’s see how far I go. Let me know how it goes for you.